A Series of Rather Ridiculous Events
by MalfoysMrs
Summary: You know, I thought it was children that were supposed to be childish. T for colourful language x
1. Chapter 1

**Bonjour! Me again :)**

**For your delight and delictation I have the first of a series of one shots focused on Hermione and Draco, that includes their children and the Potter and Weasley families.**

**I hope you enjoy the fun and hilarities that will be coming your way and may leave me a review if you wouldn't mind? :)**

**Thanks to my sister for her work as my Beta and no I'm not J.K Rowling. Obviously.**

**xxxxx**

"DRACO MALFOY GET YOUR SLIMY ARSE DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I COME UP THERE MYSELF AND TURN YOU INTO A COCKROACH!" Hermione bellowed." I'm actually going to kill him!" She added furiously to Ginny who was sat on the sofa opposite her.

"What's with all the shouting?" Molly Weasley said, peering her head round from the kitchen.

"Sorry Molly" Hermione said genuinely, "it's just my husband's an absolute TWIT!"

Right at that moment Draco glided round the corner into the Weasley's sitting room with a mischievous smirk plastered across his face."You called my love?" He said innocently, trying not to laugh.

"WHAT. THE. BLOODY HELL. IS. THAT?" With that last word she pointed to her forehead, with Ginny convinced that steam was actually coming out of her ears.

As calmly and smoothly as only Draco could manage, "It appears you have 'I love Slytherin' written across your gorgeous forehead."

"I'm not stupid ferret -" but before Hermione could continue Draco interrupted with a tone dripping in fake innocence.

"You're blaming me aren't you?" He said, looking pained. "Why, little old me would never do such -" this time Hermione interrupted with steam now seemingly coming from her nose as well.

"Well none of the kids are capable of this kind of magic or at least to make it this permanent!" Hermione said angrily, rubbing at the offending lettering.

Draco couldn't contain a snigger which was followed by a death glare from Hermione and a smirk from Ginny which she prayed her best friend didn't see.

"Ron though stupid enough to do it, has been with Emily all morning and Harry is clever enough not to mess with his wife!" Hermione continued.

"HEY!" Exclaimed Ron who had just walked through the door with Harry and realised that one of his best friends had insulted him.

"You're a disappointment, you know that?" Commented Draco to Harry on the fact that he was so under Ginny's thumb.

"Yes, but at least I've still got my own eyebrows." Harry said referencing the last time Draco got on the wrong side of Hermione, Ginny looking smug at his side.

Draco's head shot round to his wife who was wearing a smirk any Slytherin would be proud of."True. But the make-up sex makes it all worthwhile doesn't it darling?" Draco said with a wink, Hermione's face very quickly turning into a glare.

With each word Hermione took a step closer to her husband "You ferret, are a loathsome, stupid -"

"Handsome?" Draco offered.

"Arrogant -"

"Incredibly smart? -"

"Wretched -"

"Wonderful? -"

"Little git!" Hermione finished, a centimetre away from his face.

"God you're sexy when you're angry." Draco said with a huge grin.

Everyone in the room either closed their eyes or shook their head at their friend's lack of sense, with Harry putting a palm to his forehead.

Hermione with not a seconds notice shot her wand at Draco, instantaneously leaving him covered head-to-toe in Gryffindor badges.

"Nice look dad, that colour really brings out your eyes." Said 11 year old Cassius Malfoy, who had just walked in the room, looking nonplussed at his parents' behaviour.

Everyone in the room let out the laughter they'd been holding in due to fear of Hermione turning them into a woodland creature, but Hermione however, was too busy looking proud of her son's choice of allegiance.

"You two really need to stop using your children for point scoring." Said Emily noticing her friend's happiness at her son's reaction, knowing full well they wouldn't listen to her.

"Yeah and Cass is the only one that has been sorted, _he's_ in Gryffindor but you've got two left." Ron said agreeing with his wife.

"Well yes; but Arlo is Draco incarnate and Lucinda yesterday managed to get a pumpkin pasty off Bill, George and Ron -"

"She did?" Molly interrupted not knowing whether she was more shocked or impressed.

"Yep, and considering she's only two and about all the words she knows are daddy, mama, wee wee and idiot; I think we can conclude she's a Slytherin!" Draco said proudly.

"Though Mione, I think 'idiot' has more to do with Albus Potter that anything else." Ginny said shooting her 8 year old a Molly Weasleyesque glare who was sniggering in the corner with Arlo.

"Question?" Said a very puzzled George Weasley who had just entered the room.

"Why did I just find a pumpkin pasty in my sock?" He said with said sock in one hand and the offending pasty in the other."I mean don't get me wrong it is ingenious, not only does it keep them from my gluttonous brothers but it also keeps them lovely and warm! Really is quite clever!" George mused.

"That," said a very smug Draco, "would be my favourite girl."

"What, Hermione? Because I really don't think..."

"No, no my other favourite." Draco said picking up Lucinda.

"Ohhh." said a smiling George Weasley, "Lulu, I just knew from the moment we me met, that we'd get on. Step into my office." George said, taking the shockingly gorgeous blonde from her father, carrying her into the garden.

Hermione shaking her head, had given up being angry and concluded that she should have known what she was getting herself in for when she married the prat.

"Right then you two" said a tellingly experienced mother of six mischievous boys towards Hermione and Draco, "let's get you cleaned up."

And with that the pair followed Molly into the kitchen like naughty school children; Draco, unable to resist giving his wife a dig in the ribs with his elbow, was met with a shove off Hermione which lead to him to losing his balance, go flying over a chair and landing on his backside. With a mischievous cackle, Hermione continued into the kitchen to be dealt with by Molly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I'm not J.K Rowling but I am Santa Clause**

**Well looking at my Traffic stats, I'm a bit in shock! Thank you all for taking a look, I'm very very very happy :)**

**Oh and I am aware that the last chapter punctuation mistakes in. I would like to take this oppurtunity to say that it WASN'T my sisters fault but rather me being a complete turnip and uploading the wrong version!**

**Now for a very shameless plug - I have a Neville/Hermione story called "Consequences" that I would love if you could take a look at. Please and thank you.**

**Also for a bit of begging - Loads of you had a look at the story but no one reviewed. Please take a minute to do so either just to say hi or you could even offer suggestions of situations this little family could find themselves in (you would of course get a mention). I would just like someone that isn't my sister to tell me that what I'm doing's okay. I'm needy like that!**

**So I'll shut up and stop whining so you can enjoy! xxx**

"Cassius, put your book down please!"

"Arlo, stop sticking mash potato up your nose!"

"Lucinda darling, food is supposed to go in your mouth not on the floor."

"And Draco, I know you're busy, but if you can't spare half an hour for dinner with your children I'm going to have to have a word with the minister." Said Hermione who was trying to control her 11, 8 and 2 year old, serve food, and convince her husband of 14 years to stop working.

"I'm sorry babe" Draco said coming into the kitchen and walking up behind his wife. He snaked his arms around her body and gave her a kiss on the back of her neck, which was accessible due to Hermione having her hair piled high up on her head."It smells wonderful".

"Nice try ferret, sit down and behave." Hermione told Draco unable to contain a smile. She knew the compliment wasn't for her cooking but rather her herself, a tactic her husband used when he had done something wrong and was trying to get back in his wife's good books'. Hermione hated to admit that it always worked.

Draco smirked, knowing exactly what was going through his wife's head."Arlo, your mother told you not to put potato up your nose, putting it in your ears isn't acceptable either. I do not expect you to have to be told twice!" Draco scolded interrupting his own thoughts.

Arlo immediately stopped putting potato into his anatomy with a look of pure fear. It was only at moments like that, that reminded everyone that Draco was a Malfoy.

It too struck a chord with Cassius. He was old enough and also nosy enough to be aware of his parents' past and their differences. It was especially evident when it came to discipline. His dad had the capability to strike fear in even the hardest of souls if he wanted to whereas his mum, though her psychic abilities often worried him, had the fear factor of a chimp on roller skates.

"Now tell me how this happened again?" asked their eldest, "because this shouldn't work." His right index finger pointing between his parents'.

"What do you mean Cass?" Asked Hermione genuinely interested.

"Well you're 'evil', son of the idiot, ex death eater blah dee blah." Cassius said unfased looking at his parents' who looked worried, not at the content of what their son was saying they'd dealt with the past, but rather that Arlo and Lucinda were in the room.

"Oh they don't know what we're talking about" reasoned Cassius, "Arlo's too busy during animals with ketchup and Lulu's two!" His parents' nodding in agreement, rolling their eyes at their youngest sons' behaviour.

"And mum, you're 'goody-two-shoes-Granger', one third of the golden trio, saver of the universe!" Cassius continued, to the chuckle of his mum and dad.

Just as Hermione was about to answer,her husband beet her to it.

"Your mum turned me into a Hedgehog." Answered Draco like it was the most obvious thing in the world, taking a sip of wine.

"What!" Said Cassius laughing, the youngest children now paying attention.

"Yeah your mum has a penchant for woodland animals if you hadn't noticed?" adding Draco, sending a wink in his wife's direction.

Hermione shook her head with a smile and explained. "We met three years later, after the fall of you-know-who, at the ministry. Mr Malfoy came over to apologise, I wasn't feeling overly charitable that day, so I sent a few choice words and spells in his direction."

"It wasn't overly nice but it broke the tension, it got us talking again." Draco shrugged.

"And he deserved it" added his wife.

"And that" Draco agreeing with a chuckle."Now everyone back to your foo-"

"ARLO HENRY MALFOY. WHY ARE THERE PEAS ALL OVER THE FLOOR?" Fumed Hermione interrupting her husband.

"It was Lucinda!" Cried the accused, with a pained expression.

"Oh sorry Arlo." Apologised his mother, kissing the top of his head on the way to deal with her little girl


End file.
